Rejection Trigger

I’m writing this post in the hope to distract from some distressing emotions. Unfortunately a tiny incident has triggered off some rejection issues with me and for some unknown reason I have perceived my husband as not being supportive or standing up for me because of this person's actions. 

Since this trigger a few days ago I have tried to put skills to use and they have helped somewhat, (putting the thoughts on a conveyor belt in my mind and letting them go – mindfulness skill, radically accepting the issue – distress tolerance skill) but the thoughts keep coming back to bite me on the bum. In group therapy they suggested I do interpersonal effectiveness skills and approach the person that triggered these emotions but I feel that I am not ready to do that for fear of ruining the relationship. 

Tonight my emotions have just completely taken over as we are seeing this person who's behaviour triggered my rejection issues tomorrow which is triggering me even more and it is causing quite a bit of problem. I know my thoughts are irrational and I guess this is why it seems so easy for me to reach for my skills because I am not thinking ‘I am right, this is not fair, she should apologise’, I am actually thinking ‘I am being silly, it could be nothing, there could be a completely understandable reason for what she did’. When I noticed I crawled into a ball and started crying I thought ‘this is not good, you don’t need to be doing this, do some skills now – GO FOR THE ICE’. So I did. I went to the freezer and grabbed an ice cube and held it in my hand until it completely melted – felt like I had brain freeze doing it but it brought me down a bit (distress tolerance skill – feeling different sensations). Next I noticed my husband dishing up dinner and I saw the dishes and I thought ‘it’s not a huge pile of dishes, my dinner can wait, this would be a perfect opportunity to wash up mindfully (mindfulness skill). So I did. And now I am here on the computer (a distress tolerance skill – doing an activity). 

Just to keep distracting myself I want to share my experience today as I lay in my backyard looking at the clouds. I decided I wanted to observe the noises I heard around the street. Not only is this a mindfulness skill it is also a self soothe skill – using the sense of hearing. What you will read is really just a mumble jumble of words as I’m no poet but it all helps with my recovery. Maybe it will help you too – use your sense of hearing to listen to your neighbourhood.

Under Clouds

the mower groans and birds flap their wings

kids talk joyfully then laugh

my dog scratches

a fly buzzes right by my face and the hammer hits wood

kids giggle, playing

birds chirp, twill and peep

my dog sneezes and sniffles – then licks my big toe

kids filled with happiness, more laughter

the neighbour calls and the mower stops

a plane overhead, surprisingly loud

my dog runs, feet pounding.