Skills When Incapacitated

Well I’d like to say my week went well but sadly it didn’t go as I would’ve liked. I really did attempt initially to put in as many skills as I could and I am proud of myself that I did and as I type this blog I know I would’ve used more skills than I actually think. 

After attempting the skills in my previous post we visited the person that triggered my rejection issues and I just decided to give up and curl up and be depressed. It was much easier to do so than approaching them with my feelings. What I do realise during my curled up mess is that everything was flashing so clearly before me, my thoughts and feelings were ever so clear, which helped me to not blurt out nasty retorts to my husband (a result of being mindful nearly every day). 

Unfortunately, besides it being so hard to get off the lounge due to my depression I was also wilful and didn’t put in as many skills as I could have. Any which way I did continue to do some things for which I am proud of so I don’t totally negate how I dealt with this but I do see now where I could’ve improved and reduced this depression to a couple of days instead of 4. 

While lying on the lounge, not being able to move initially, I was able to use distress tolerance and mindfulness skills and now know that, even curled in a ball, skills can be used so no longer have an excuse not to use them. So these are the things I did in my ball:

-          I was mindful, observing thoughts and feelings

-          I was thinking different thoughts (listing the states of America, name fruits and vegetables )

-          I counted to 20 with each breath

-          I half smiled

After getting out of my ball I was also able to do the following as well as the above:

-          be completely aware of making my tea

-          observe my breakfast ( I do this every day – just observe the flakes floating or not floating, any bubbles, colours etc)

-          wash the dishes

-          hang out clothes (which was so difficult but I have an ulterior motive for this – I have a deal with my psychologist because I have been using my husband to do all the housework)

The skills I did use helped but of course my thoughts of being worthless crept in and the more difficult it was the more I kept thinking I’m never going to get cured of this but I just kept trying.

Today when I saw my psychologist I said that I felt like I had taken a huge step backwards and it made me feel like I was back to where I started but she made me rethink because:

-          I didn’t have urges to suicide

-          I didn’t self harm

-          I didn’t drink alcohol

-          I didn’t take prescribed medication (Valium)

-          I didn’t smoke marijuana

-          I didn’t have an urge to quit therapy

That is where I realised how much I have improved. I’m so proud of myself because normally I would’ve done all of the above during this bad week, yet I didn’t). So yay for me – a massive pat on the back.