Achieving my goal

My goal this week is to maintain using skills, even just a few, through difficult times. I've had a very up and down week, some happy days, some sad and some just neutral where I just couldn't be bothered. The one thing I discussed with my case manager last Wednesday was my need to just keep on keeping on. In one way I want to give up doing my skills and in another way I just can't - I must continue to do them in order to recover from this debilitating illness. I'm just so tired of not living an everyday existence without having to be mindful/aware of all the things I do/feel/think and say and I'm tired of having to do them to survive not only this existence but tiny little things that cause me to have a melt down. However, I know in my heart of all hearts that these skills will get me through. These tools will help me to be a better person, to deal with distress and conflict, to keep my emotions in check and build a road to recovery. I made a goal with my case manager that I would just pick out just a few skills to do daily this week instead of going gung ho like I do by picking 15 everyday. So here I am posting about the skills that I have successfully done today. 

 Played with aromatherapy playdough

Skill - Distress Tolerance (self soothe - feel/touch)

Skill - Distress Tolerance (distress tolerance - smell)

 Played 4 pics 1 word on my phone

Skill - Distress Tolerance (distracting with an activity)

 Typed up an achievement (later printing it, cutting into strips and pasting into art journal)

Skill - Distress Tolerance (distracting with an activity)

Skill - Emotion Regulation (being unmindful of worries)

 Edited a document I didn't want to edit

Skill - Emotion Regulation (opposite to emotion action)

Skill - Distress Tolerance (distracting with an activity)

 Did some painting (not my best work but it kept me busy)

Skill - Distress Tolerance (distracting with an activity)

The positives I must take from doing the skills today is that it has distracted me from thinking about my failing marriage and ruminating about how to deal with this. Willingness is the key. If I curled up in a ball the only thing I'd be willing to do is just that and not my skills. I know now that if I didn't have these skills I would normally not be coping at all during this period in my life. Even though they sometimes feel so difficult to do I am still so grateful that I have the DBT skills on board.