The picture below is a snapshot of some of my dairy card which I fill in daily. As well as having all the DBT skills listed it has a "key for rating the skills used" for each skill. The rating is what creates room to improve and the key is helpful to understand in order to know what I'm posting about underneath the picture.
This weekend I have put down in my little jotter that I want to use my GIVE skills all weekend. Now GIVE skills are part of the Interpersonal Effectiveness module in DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy for the treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder). They help you to be a better communicator and can improve relationships. The acronym for GIVE is:
G - be gentle
I - appear interested
V - validate the person
E - use an easy manner
Of course I try to use this skill everyday but I especially try to use it when my son comes over every weekend. It is with every intention that I want to use this skill competently for any interaction with my son to be interpersonally effective but of course I am not perfect. Within DBT being competent is the aim in order to be effective but everyone has to start somewhere so it is encouraged to at least think of, or try using skills. Last night I failed at being very good with my GIVE skills right before my son went to bed however, from 5.30pm til 8.30pm we had a beautiful evening laughing and talking where I listened and validated where appropriate. When I woke this morning I thought that because I made a mistake right before bedtime that I would just put in the GIVE column in my diary card a 3 (tried the skill but couldn't get the hang of it so it didn't work). After some time thinking I realised I did have the hang of the skill for 3 hours before I had my little blow up so my rating has since changed to a 5 (attempted the skill and it helped).
The above is a good example of rating a 5 in my diary however the score of a 1 or a 2 is not to be laughed at. For instance, I may decide that for my skills today I want to do meditation (improve the moment) and bake a cake (build mastery). Somehow through the day I may think of the skills but my emotions may get the better of me, I become willful and just don't do them. If that happens, in my dairy, under the columns of improve the moment and build mastery, I can mark that as a 1 (thought of using skills but did not [did not want to]). That's ok. It just gives me motivation to maybe try again the next day. It's better than not thinking of skills at all. The next day I may think of the same skills again and then really want to do them but then it's hard to get myself up and doing something physical or anything at all and even though I want to do it I don't then that's a rating of 2 (thought of using skills but did not [although wanted to]). It is just motivation to keep trying and trying until I do something competently and when I reap the benefits of doing it well then the motivation increases because I know the skills work.
Just typing about this now is reminding me to fill in my diary a little bit more accurately. As days have passed the last week I have complained that I haven't done as many skills as I would like but if I reflect there are skills that I did think about. Maybe I didn't use them but they were on my mind. I need to remind myself that I don't have to be perfect and I don't always have to get a rating of 6 for every skill. Most days I do get 6's or 5's but it's important to put in those 1's and 2's so that I can see attempts or places where I do or can improve.
Now to think about my day and what skills can have a rating against them.
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